For season or for a lifetime

Image found in a very interesting quote on friendship. Check it out

Hello Everybody and welcome to this your Blog Victor's space. If you are receving it for the first time by email and you like what you read just subscribe by e mail and you will get it every time I post. Also if you really like this pass it to your friends, forward this to your friends, and enjoy of all of the other articles available here. This is the 10th month of this blog and our posting number 15. Talking about various great topics check it out.
This particular week I have been thinking about the kind of friends and something brought me to question, Are we with the wrong people? I notice that many people have friends by hundreds, when everything is going good, you have money, you have health, you have a multitude following you around. You are the King/Queen of the world everything is possible you have it all. Whenever you need something to be done, there's more than one hand willing to do everything for you, when you have a party your parties are the biggest you have the most people to go to your parties, you have the most people inviting you out to go to places (as long as you pay or provide some kind of fun) How is this bad? Seem like everything is perfect so there's nothing to complaint about. Really?
However despite having all those friends there's always a few friends in particular you end up going for help for some reasons there's a few friends you go for advices. Have you noticed that the friend you called for advices wasn't the friend that was living the high life with you, going crazy, drinking. The friend you went to is a friend you have maybe you think that friend is cool, you like the way of thinking of that friend, you feel comfortable around this person. It often happen that when things go wrong not exactly the friends you go partying with are the one who stick by your side or come to give you advices. Usually when these partying friends give you advices are the wrong ones doesn't matter how good of a person they are, they will always give you a bad advice not because they are bad people but because they don't really know you. You can't try to give advices when you don't know the kind of person you are dealing with. You will definitely go to a friend you feel more connected spiritually.
There are many levels of friendship and people have this very wrong I will give you what I think are the levels of friendship, here you go.
Acquaintance: I don't know you, but I think everybody is my friend until they demonstrate me the opposite. These are the people I add to my facebook, see them in the street and say hi to them is all cool. There's potential for something bigger than just acquaintances. I'm starting to Get to know Janeen from New Jersey Hello Janeen. She's a pretty cool person. If I had a party I would invite her to come over. The Question is: Can I go to Janeen for advices? Chances are she gets weird out like "dude I don't even know you" or she will give me an advice based on what she barely know of me and what it worked for a similar person. Chances are she give me the wrong advice making me fail.
Friend: Is a little more advanced even if is online is more closely you communicate with this person more constantly. Victoria from Ohio Hellooo. Great person but again I can't go to her for advice chances with her advices are that she might give me a good advice she knows me better than my acquaintance previously named do but in the end she doesn't know me that well she can potentially give me a bad advice so I don't go to her for advices neither she's my last option, but I can definitely invite her to a party.
Third Party friend: Fall in the category of the previously named. Usually is a friend you know through another friend or someone related to me. You know I often crash with my father about my business. Networking based. I know his friends, their friends know me, but I need my father to speak to his friends about me wanting to talk about a business. At the end of the day my father's friends ears are more open to him than for me. I have a bunch of third party friends. As you can guess I can't go to advices to those people but I can invite my friend and "their friends". Don't get me wrong, some great friendships even love relationships happen because someone introduced you to someone.
Good Friends: These people you know in person, you always have something to talk about. My good friend Jay A, I know this guy from high School, is a cheerleader always "go Victor yes you can" "victor you are great" everybody have this friend and you can definitely go ahead and speak to this type of friends about any problems. To be honest with you Jay won't help me neither, but he would tell me what I want to hear Go ahead Victor believe in yourself. This level of friends is among the first you call for a party.
Great friends: Never gets old is this person you share most of your time or used to spend most of your time. I will count Boris F. from high school too. At difference of Jay A. we would hang out more, talk a lot about anything. Is the kind of friends you always have something to talk about. Notice that from great friends up you have something in common with that person. Maybe play the same sport, have a personality closely similar so that's why you bond, share a hobby like Boris and I well he likes to play guitar and sing I don't play any instrument but I like to sing. You see the connection? is the kind of friends you don't have to feel obligated to talk to everyday but when you do, is like the connection was never lost. This kind of friends know you very well and will give you a good advice but would tell you what you wanna hear and suggest you to change something.
Best friends: Qualify into this some friend you know for long time, a friend from high school you talk to everyday, parents (believe it or not), siblings, spouse. I am the oldest brother in the house my brothers are good guys but very independent and sometimes too childish. However when things are tough for them they all come to me. When I have a serious problem I go to my parents specially my father, brothers (for opinion on something) used to go to uncles and aunts (they are overseas or too far from me) girlfriend and lastly an unrelated best friend. This is what happen with this friend. They are not afraid of telling you what you don't want to hear, they are not afraid of really telling you what you have to hear rather than what you want to hear. When a nail twist you don't fix it with caresses you hammer it til it get straight.

But at the end of the day nobody can give you a better advice than you. You know yourself well and taking into account what your friends told you, you can make a clear decision.
But getting back in topic most friends are in for the ride but they are not willing to go with you when everything is going downhill. Since there's not much commitment in the relationship not much investments there's not much to lose. Is very likely that you lose people like Friends and acquaintances in most cases third party friends too (since the main friend is gone what am I doing here?) some will stick if their intention is become really good friend of you in the future. What I came to understand is that I don't have the power to count nobody out, but I have the power to count myself out from a friendship. People count themselves out.
You have to be careful picking up who is your friend according to Madea (Tyler Perry) check this clip from Madea Goes to Jail the play for this blog please check the clip starting at 4:40. This clip is toward the end of the play. Check it out by clicking here. Embedding of the video wasn't allowed I apologize. But is true this is something else I skipped
DON'T assume everybody will stay in your life forever. In fact nobody is guaranteed to stay there are people who come to your life to show you something. When their job is done they just leave, don't chase nobody don't waste your time. Maybe that person's job is done. Everybody is eligible to leave except family members unless someone die of course. You have to be prepared to see the end too. When you start any kind of relationship with somebody, you have to know that this relationship have a 50% chances of surviving time and 50% chances of not surviving at all. When you meet someone, again  you have a 50/50 chance of that person leaving soon from your life or staying.

Givers and takers

I think a friendship is a mutual relationship nobody is in obligation of doing more than what the other one is doing to keep the relationship alive. There are people who are very open and very giving. If you are like that be very careful. Like I explained before some people just come over and leave. Imagine after you gave so much to keep that friendship, you sacrificed so much and suddenly there's no more. I believe you would be devastated after losing something you put too much effort to keep it alive. Some people see a very giving person and think "very giving person, I just live by the days of this friendship, take what I want and leave" I hope that the lessons you get is not "not be too giving" if you see someone is not bringing nothing to the table, Why do you keep those around? they are obviously Leeches and would bounce away in the event of a single struggle.

Mixing & Matching: 

Have you been at a place where everybody is having a good time but suddenly more people come in and instead of getting even more fun, you get a tense environment instead or still fun but not like before? Why is that?
Have to be honest with you I wish I could be friends with everybody but I can't be friends with everybody. Sound shallow but I can't invite everybody at the same time to my party neither, I will explain why
You are not the only thing that other person is supposed to have in common. Why are you inviting party animals to party along your conservative friends? If a friend love politics and the other one hate politics and they don't get along why would you invite both to your party? chances are these two end up in a shouting match. Make sure you choose your friends well, make sure they have similar interests so you are not the only one talking to everybody but everybody talking to each other as well and having a good time.
Life is beautiful and full of adventures. We are born alone (unless you are twin but u still born alone) have the choice to grow alone because at the end of the day you will be buried alone. The difference is the relationships you leave behind when you gone, the memories.
Make sure to leave your mark. See you in two weeks. Don't forget to post your comments below.

Supporting Links
http://www.mikearauz.com/2009_04_01_archive.html
Yahoo answers
Friendship blog
Friendship quotes
Principles of choosing friends

Social Netwoking when too much is just too much: Setting your boundaries

A composite showing the most common networking sites.

 Hello Everybody and than you for being such an awesome audience. I have to thank my followers from the United States and Russia who this month have poured into this blog although you didn't leave me any comment telling me that you was here I'm so glad you did stop by.
I get sick at times with people posting their entire day "GM FBF time to go to work" that's not problem, the problem is next same user 20 minutes later "Grrrr this stupid bus don't show up" two hours later after updating me on the hour finally got to work "grrr I really hate my boss why doesn't she die that $#^*" Why do I need to know that? Really why do you kill yourself that way updating me on the entire day I don't need that, seriously. But you can update on your whole day that's not my business it's not but is your and you better stick to reading this and you will understand my point.
This is just in, this happened after I published my post. Someone I'm getting to know Victoria T from Ohio, she might tell me that statement up there is a little wrong. Just a week after originally publishing this post, Victoria was talking on her wall that she was in tears about something that just happened at work. I know she's reading this and some of you reading this happen maybe know her. That is something you can definitely talk about. Yes she was in tears but she was happy that's why she was in tears and to be honest I would be in tears too. If she likes maybe she share with you in the comment section or not. But it was a very happy posting. I mean if your job don't make you happy, Why talk about it? why beat yourself up about it and get others involved? Shauna from Flushing couldn't say it better. "I better don't say too much because that mean I have to explain something to somebody and the less people I have to explain the better. Once I expose it out there I have people following on that."
My facebook friends think I don't use my account to post just to reply to their comments. In reality I use my myspace, fb and twitter daily and post a quote I found and like it weekly I even post encore of a good note. You know why? It's rough out there, people are mean, the situation is mean and I just want this. When I enter to my facebook I want to be greeted by something good. When I feel down I want to see a good line motivating me to better you know. So why would I post that my best friend quit on me? why would I post that I didn't meet the goal of sales this month? Why would I update on the bad bus service? I know you might want to vent out but you better be careful where you vent out because you might vent out on yourself, you might end up destroying someone's hopes, you might end up putting down someone, and worse convincing others that it can't be just because you couldn't. Why would I post that I had an argument with my girlfriend? why would I start an argument with her on facebook or twitter? OOOH that's a huge issue.
You see, I know some people who post all day long and I'm happy with that. My friend Liza L. from Brooklyn she posts on how great she's feeling, yes she's in pain in the doctor but still happy because she has a good man and friends by her always, how wonderful day she's spending with her grand kids. Those are welcoming postings one day when Liza is feeling bad and just depressed as she's she decides to stop by her facebook she might go back and see how wonderful life she has with her family and friends, she might actually feel better after reading her facebook. Liza I'm not picking on you alone hold on lol. You have to be very careful how you portrait yourself to friends. I know somebody who was going out with a great guy, this guy is a very hardworking man, good family man, good friend, good son, good brother. Well he left the girl because he didn't like how she was dancing, he hated the fact that his family is descent but this girl didn't get along with his best friend and worse she would dance like she wanted to have sex with every guy she danced with. Island dance she said that's normal in the island to dance like that. Well one of my girlfriend best friend is also from the island and she doesn't dance like that unless she's interested in the man. Turns out that someone sent her a message asking her if she wanted to have sex with him. Well she did worse she posted it on her wall that a guy just asked her to have sex with him. I guess my friend wasn't far from reality this girl wasn't the appropriate for him. Because to be honest I would not ask a lady to have sex with me because I know I'm getting rejected, the way she portrait herself is one of these easy girls who wont reject if a man ask them. Wanna have sex with me? As a man you know that a lady wont go to bed with you instantly you have to go through a process first of getting to know the woman, maybe meet first no sex and then let go and do it. To be honest most men are not into that so if you are a woman and the first message you better take a look on how you are portraying yourself on your social site.
Another thing that is upsetting actually disturbing is the lack of supervision from parents to their children specially girls. I have been on social networking starting with Hi5 in 2004 it's a shame seeing girls I know (I can't see those profiles unless I know the person and they invite me in sometimes can actually see some of the friend's profiles) I see these girls exposing themselves in very sensual positions like "all in four" for example prompting indecent and sexually explicit comments from men at times even 25 yo men hitting on 15 yo girls. If you are a teenager and you are receiving this kind of comments, let me ask you something. Is this how you see success? Do the woman you want to become ever show this behavior, Do you see someone of value other than just sexual? Will your "prince" approve of that? will a "prince" just fall in love with you because of your pictures? If this last one is correct I bet you have a guy coming in just for sex. Will your parents approve your behavior? Again some parents are corruptive since their life is messed up already, they are selfish and wont guide their children. Will your teachers and other female friends approve your behavior?
Talking about portraying. Many people get concerned about certain activities like Alcohol and stuff like that. Let me tell you about someone else. My friend my brother Jay A. This guy you check his facebook and most of his postings are related to a soccer game he's playing soon, coming out of work and calling up his buddies to watch a soccer game and have some drinks. Yeah think whatever you want but he's another one doing it good. He's a hardworking man, very good dear friend of mine, at least he doesn't expose alcohol consumption on HIS PAGE. He's ok for the same reasons as Liza life is not easy and at any down moment he might go to facebook and see how well he spent last weekend. You can post all day long but not everything, gez someone even posted being in the bathroom with stomach issues. There's life outside of Facebook and myspace and twitter and if you are posting every hour, every 20 minutes my friend you are missing on a big chunk of life. You are basically living online you better move there. Why do I need to know that you are sitting in the bathroom and can't... Ok that hasn't happen yet but there's something  I'm sure would start happening though if some crazy phone company decide to design a waterproof phone "taking a shower with my boo" Are you serious? I mean people put some limit already. Why in heaven you have your profile private when your life is public anyways? Don't you want some privacy?
A few weeks ago I was eating with a very close friend of mine; we were having a blast. Well since some people are crazy out of the blue we decided to check facebook. To my surprise someone in her network started this big argument with her husband. You see the back and forth these two going at each other. It was ridiculous. You know, I'm not the kind who like getting into people business, she's not that kind of people neither. BUT when you put your life out that easy, you will get people looking at your stuff you will get people waiting to see how this argument develop. I know I know why you don't argue outside of facebook because you have no audience. But there's one thing I hate and is getting my food cold because some knucklehead decided to argue on facebook. What happened to the old times when people would call or text each other and yell what you want them to die from, curse that person all the way to great grand children? Come on people get a phone if you don't have one. Do all this show "I'm gonna leave you #$#" and go play pools together next weekend and take pictures and post on facebook, then not only that go back together. If this happened in secret nobody knew I'm telling you that nobody would think bad about you. But imagine after that whole show you go back together. "look at these two why so much show man..." To be honest I am a happy man with Jenn but doesn't mean that we don't have our issues. We argue... but nobody know nobody needs to know all that and we both care to keep it to ourselves because we know you have your issues too and adding our is not a good idea. Plus once you put your issues out, you are calling for suggestions and unfortunately every suggestion is going to be different. I remember going through this big argument with Jenn. Two friends of my father learned of the issue actually four Advice from a Female "Jenn is a great woman you seem you lost her now. There are more people ahead." next female "Noooo don't hear her, call her take her some flowers and take her to eat and you will see how she will agree with everything you said" (I agreed with this one but didn't need it she called me and we fixed it over the phone. Now Jenn don't argue with me because I wont do this to fix it lol) Guy "No papa don't budge down don't call her in days and you will see she will call you asking you why you haven't call her which means she miss you" guy two "If broken is broken" Notice I didn't put it out there but my attitude in the house was enough to drive me crazy in a minute and get different opinions right away. It drove me crazy to tell the truth.
My facebook is a place of relaxation for me. I don't post my personal problems because nobody will solve them for me and I have nothing to explain to nobody other than my business, what I do for living. So I keep anything negative out of there, I find a good quote that inspired me something I post it. It's rough out there so when things go rough I feel like having a moment for me I go to my phone check my friends' updates I have a great network I hardly see anything negative there from my friends they are very outgoing people and very positive. Even if I stay small (currently 180 something friends) I prefer having good people with me. My facebook has to inspire me in tough moments is pretty much a book of quotes I take with me everywhere. What's the point of being a victim? wait that could be another blog entry in the future. Like Liza, Jay, Victoria they refuse to show up as a victim, they rather inspire some kind of hope on someone, bring a smile on someone's face. In the case of Twitter I had to remove everybody I had. That's another site where people just post garbage calling women by the b-word women trash talking. I don't need that drama. So far I'm following guys like my two business managers, Les Brown, Tony Robbins, John C Maxwell, one of the big leaders in my business and that's all. I don't need negative people with me. I want to grow I want to be somebody, do something special with my life and drama queens and kings wont get me there. Posting my private life out wont get me there, and reading people's private life will just entertain me from what I'm trying to accomplish. If want all I explained (success, be someone special, do something special) and you happen to have drama people around cut them off even if is your childhood friend. I let go 12 contacts from my facebook last week because these were dead ended people I don't need those. I'm dead serious. People like that only bring distractions.

Thanks for reading and I speak to you in a pair of weeks.