Saturday, June 11, 2011

For season or for a lifetime

Image found in a very interesting quote on friendship. Check it out
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This particular week I have been thinking about the kind of friends and something brought me to question, Are we with the wrong people? I notice that many people have friends by hundreds, when everything is going good, you have money, you have health, you have a multitude following you around. You are the King/Queen of the world everything is possible you have it all. Whenever you need something to be done, there's more than one hand willing to do everything for you, when you have a party your parties are the biggest you have the most people to go to your parties, you have the most people inviting you out to go to places (as long as you pay or provide some kind of fun) How is this bad? Seem like everything is perfect so there's nothing to complaint about. Really?
However despite having all those friends there's always a few friends in particular you end up going for help for some reasons there's a few friends you go for advices. Have you noticed that the friend you called for advices wasn't the friend that was living the high life with you, going crazy, drinking. The friend you went to is a friend you have maybe you think that friend is cool, you like the way of thinking of that friend, you feel comfortable around this person. It often happen that when things go wrong not exactly the friends you go partying with are the one who stick by your side or come to give you advices. Usually when these partying friends give you advices are the wrong ones doesn't matter how good of a person they are, they will always give you a bad advice not because they are bad people but because they don't really know you. You can't try to give advices when you don't know the kind of person you are dealing with. You will definitely go to a friend you feel more connected spiritually.
There are many levels of friendship and people have this very wrong I will give you what I think are the levels of friendship, here you go.
Acquaintance: I don't know you, but I think everybody is my friend until they demonstrate me the opposite. These are the people I add to my facebook, see them in the street and say hi to them is all cool. There's potential for something bigger than just acquaintances. I'm starting to Get to know Janeen from New Jersey Hello Janeen. She's a pretty cool person. If I had a party I would invite her to come over. The Question is: Can I go to Janeen for advices? Chances are she gets weird out like "dude I don't even know you" or she will give me an advice based on what she barely know of me and what it worked for a similar person. Chances are she give me the wrong advice making me fail.
Friend: Is a little more advanced even if is online is more closely you communicate with this person more constantly. Victoria from Ohio Hellooo. Great person but again I can't go to her for advice chances with her advices are that she might give me a good advice she knows me better than my acquaintance previously named do but in the end she doesn't know me that well she can potentially give me a bad advice so I don't go to her for advices neither she's my last option, but I can definitely invite her to a party.
Third Party friend: Fall in the category of the previously named. Usually is a friend you know through another friend or someone related to me. You know I often crash with my father about my business. Networking based. I know his friends, their friends know me, but I need my father to speak to his friends about me wanting to talk about a business. At the end of the day my father's friends ears are more open to him than for me. I have a bunch of third party friends. As you can guess I can't go to advices to those people but I can invite my friend and "their friends". Don't get me wrong, some great friendships even love relationships happen because someone introduced you to someone.
Good Friends: These people you know in person, you always have something to talk about. My good friend Jay A, I know this guy from high School, is a cheerleader always "go Victor yes you can" "victor you are great" everybody have this friend and you can definitely go ahead and speak to this type of friends about any problems. To be honest with you Jay won't help me neither, but he would tell me what I want to hear Go ahead Victor believe in yourself. This level of friends is among the first you call for a party.
Great friends: Never gets old is this person you share most of your time or used to spend most of your time. I will count Boris F. from high school too. At difference of Jay A. we would hang out more, talk a lot about anything. Is the kind of friends you always have something to talk about. Notice that from great friends up you have something in common with that person. Maybe play the same sport, have a personality closely similar so that's why you bond, share a hobby like Boris and I well he likes to play guitar and sing I don't play any instrument but I like to sing. You see the connection? is the kind of friends you don't have to feel obligated to talk to everyday but when you do, is like the connection was never lost. This kind of friends know you very well and will give you a good advice but would tell you what you wanna hear and suggest you to change something.
Best friends: Qualify into this some friend you know for long time, a friend from high school you talk to everyday, parents (believe it or not), siblings, spouse. I am the oldest brother in the house my brothers are good guys but very independent and sometimes too childish. However when things are tough for them they all come to me. When I have a serious problem I go to my parents specially my father, brothers (for opinion on something) used to go to uncles and aunts (they are overseas or too far from me) girlfriend and lastly an unrelated best friend. This is what happen with this friend. They are not afraid of telling you what you don't want to hear, they are not afraid of really telling you what you have to hear rather than what you want to hear. When a nail twist you don't fix it with caresses you hammer it til it get straight.

But at the end of the day nobody can give you a better advice than you. You know yourself well and taking into account what your friends told you, you can make a clear decision.
But getting back in topic most friends are in for the ride but they are not willing to go with you when everything is going downhill. Since there's not much commitment in the relationship not much investments there's not much to lose. Is very likely that you lose people like Friends and acquaintances in most cases third party friends too (since the main friend is gone what am I doing here?) some will stick if their intention is become really good friend of you in the future. What I came to understand is that I don't have the power to count nobody out, but I have the power to count myself out from a friendship. People count themselves out.
You have to be careful picking up who is your friend according to Madea (Tyler Perry) check this clip from Madea Goes to Jail the play for this blog please check the clip starting at 4:40. This clip is toward the end of the play. Check it out by clicking here. Embedding of the video wasn't allowed I apologize. But is true this is something else I skipped
DON'T assume everybody will stay in your life forever. In fact nobody is guaranteed to stay there are people who come to your life to show you something. When their job is done they just leave, don't chase nobody don't waste your time. Maybe that person's job is done. Everybody is eligible to leave except family members unless someone die of course. You have to be prepared to see the end too. When you start any kind of relationship with somebody, you have to know that this relationship have a 50% chances of surviving time and 50% chances of not surviving at all. When you meet someone, again  you have a 50/50 chance of that person leaving soon from your life or staying.

Givers and takers

I think a friendship is a mutual relationship nobody is in obligation of doing more than what the other one is doing to keep the relationship alive. There are people who are very open and very giving. If you are like that be very careful. Like I explained before some people just come over and leave. Imagine after you gave so much to keep that friendship, you sacrificed so much and suddenly there's no more. I believe you would be devastated after losing something you put too much effort to keep it alive. Some people see a very giving person and think "very giving person, I just live by the days of this friendship, take what I want and leave" I hope that the lessons you get is not "not be too giving" if you see someone is not bringing nothing to the table, Why do you keep those around? they are obviously Leeches and would bounce away in the event of a single struggle.

Mixing & Matching: 

Have you been at a place where everybody is having a good time but suddenly more people come in and instead of getting even more fun, you get a tense environment instead or still fun but not like before? Why is that?
Have to be honest with you I wish I could be friends with everybody but I can't be friends with everybody. Sound shallow but I can't invite everybody at the same time to my party neither, I will explain why
You are not the only thing that other person is supposed to have in common. Why are you inviting party animals to party along your conservative friends? If a friend love politics and the other one hate politics and they don't get along why would you invite both to your party? chances are these two end up in a shouting match. Make sure you choose your friends well, make sure they have similar interests so you are not the only one talking to everybody but everybody talking to each other as well and having a good time.
Life is beautiful and full of adventures. We are born alone (unless you are twin but u still born alone) have the choice to grow alone because at the end of the day you will be buried alone. The difference is the relationships you leave behind when you gone, the memories.
Make sure to leave your mark. See you in two weeks. Don't forget to post your comments below.

Supporting Links
Yahoo answers
Friendship blog
Friendship quotes
Principles of choosing friends

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